Category Archives: Rambling

Just filling you in on the day….

New Reading Glasses and other things…

Awesome! I can see the laptop clearly and I can read books again! MOTH just came with me to Big W at Bankstown to pick up my glasses with me. Thought it was going to take longer to pay them off, but getting our FTB paid back promptly really helped. What with the gas and electricity bill, the car rego and repairs, it looked like slowly paying the balance off on my glasses. But now all is good, and I’m just really excited to be able to see clearly again.

Got an update from my brother on Dad’s progress. He’s still fighting all attempts to help him and he’s still generally confused, but he is slightly better. He was able to ask Allan about his plants and Julie said they were taking care of them. It was great he was able to put a question together, but Allan and Julie looking after plants is a bit scary. Dad is still in ICU, as they aren’t prepared to release him back to the ward just yet. They want to make sure there is nothing else wrong with him, and this could last a couple more days. So, there is positive progress being made, however small and slowly. It’s all still wait-and-see.

I will be going to see him tomorrow, and I am really hanging to get there. I haven’t been since Tuesday, and I put off traveling as I was already going to Linden for Yulefest this Saturday, and I can’t really afford all the petrol driving out there and back too often. I’m looking forward to Yulefest, my brother and sister-in-law always put on the most amazing Christmas feast, and I actually feel like eating it all because it is so cold and the weather is made for the roasting of meat and vegies, smothered in loads of gravy, followed by rummy, fruity pudding and custard. I’ve been keeping the kilojoules down this week in preparation for the feast. It’ll be a bit sad to not have Dad there, but I’ll be seeing him again Sunday, as I intend on staying at Allan and Julie’s overnight.

Today is the anniversary of Mum’s passing, 18 years ago. I always think of it as her independence day, finally free of pain and her mental tortures. For those of you who don’t know, Mum died of cancer only 5 weeks after she went into hospital with pancreatic pain. She went in in the last week of May, only to pass away on the 4th of July. We were only told it was certainly cancer about a week and a half before she passed. It was all very quick and we were only just getting used to the idea of her being sick, and boom, she was gone. At least she didn’t suffer for too long, it was very painful for her and it ate her away. I didn’t recognise her when I first went in to see her in May. I thought “who is this little old lady waving me down?”…. It was her!

I sometimes go to Solander Point on the 4th of July, as that is where we scattered her ashes. It’s lovely out there, and if you are lucky, you get to see some whales frolicking off the coast as they migrate north at this time of year. We chose not to go today, as there was lots we need to get done, and I don’t have the weekend to do it over.

Jay is with MOTH buying a new battery for his bike. Hopefully they have done the chemist and cat litter run while they were out. I have to take Jay later to get his bike helmet at Liverpool. My baby is getting ready to ride! I’m proud of him, but worried about the other idiots on the road. He is always talking about safety and how to handle different situations so I hope he puts it into practice. He has stripped the bike down and made many repairs, and it’s almost ready for him to ride. I’m really excited for him.

Dad’s progress

Well, Dad had his surgery yesterday, carotid endarterectomy, and all went well. He got wheeled in to ICU at about 6pm last night, so it was a bit late for me to take off and go out to visit him. My brother was there to see him, and Dad managed to ask what was happening to him. Not sure if he understood what they told him, but at least he was able to string a question together.

They have struggled a bit with him in ICU. They are having to sedate him more than they would like as he is constantly trying to pull out his drain and drip, and he keeps taking his oxygen mask off. The nursing staff have been amazing, keeping a close eye on him and attending to his every need. I watched him today try to fight the nurses off as they had to put a line in his neck for further medication, and they are hoping he doesn’t try to pull this out (they put it in under ultrasound). He seemed to recognise me today, he said “Hi” to me and held my hand, which I found very encouraging. He wasn’t able to do that on Saturday, so I’m hoping that he hasn’t suffered much brain damage.

It was good to see my brother there today, he has been a real trooper. I know this is hitting him hard and he’s trying not to show it. He’s had to make all the decisions, sign the consent forms and be the hospitals first point of contact, and I think he has done a wonderful job. We’ve been able to sit down and have some really good talks, about all of this and life in general. We may have fought terribly while we were growing up, but we have become quite close as adults, and we really pull together when necessary.

In closing, I have to say I found Dad better than I expected today, and I am so eternally grateful for that. I hope to have my Dad back, it’s just going to take some time. I don’t know that he will make a “full” recovery, but just seeing him realise I was there today was really awesome. He’s got a hard road ahead of him, but he’s a fighter and won’t give in easily, as the nurses are finding out!

The continuing story….

I haven’t gone to see Dad today, but did speak to my brother, who was there earlier today. Not much has changed, he is still unable to communicate and apparently he became quite agitated and it took 4 nursing staff to hold him down and settle him. He must be so frightened by what is happening to him and around him. Before yesterday’s episode, he was packed and ready to come home, not that that was happening. Now, he is unable to feed himself or toilet himself, so things are quite rough for him. I only hope they can get him into surgery quickly before any more damage is done. I’m hoping that he’ll make a full recovery after surgery, but I really think that is unlikely. He’ll be turning 69 in December, and I would like to see him be able to enjoy it.

I really feel so useless, as there is nothing I can do to help him. I know he appreciates the visits and such, but seeing him as an empty shell is hard to take. He’s always been really loud and vibrant, someone you couldn’t miss. Now, he just looks at us with a blank stare. He sometimes tries to smile when he seems to see you, but you can see that is really hard for him. I can only imagine how he is feeling. There is no dignity is what he is going through and I plan on taking measures now so that I’m not in this position in another 25 years. I walk everyday, but I really need to watch my diet. I’m going to have a blood test soon to check cholesterol and the like, so I can see where I’m at.

The good that has come of this is that my floors are scrubbed and sparkling, and different jobs I’ve put off around the house are finally getting done. I’ve got to do something so that I don’t dwell on what is happening around me!

Dear Old Dad….

Well, I slept in until about 8am this morning, and it was wonderful. MOTH came for a walk with Jordy and I, and that was lovely too. MOTH was taking the boy to some motorbike parts suppliers this morning, so I thought it would be perfect to scrub the kitchen floor. Got that finished – it looks awesome – and was making a cup of tea when the boys called me. They had taken my phone with them so they could use navigator as the boys’ phone has no credit, and MOTH has no internet access on his phone. Lucky they did as they went into Liverpool, which they hadn’t planned to do.

My uncle Bruce called my mobile while they were out and the boys called me. My dad had gone completely unconscious and the nursing staff were working on him when I called him straight back. I rang my sister-in-law straight away from the home phone, as her’s was the only mobile number I could think of. I spoke to her and my brother and let them know what was happening and said that I couldn’t contact the hospital as the number Allan had given me was on my mobile, which I didn’t have. They were already on their way to Penrith, so they went straight to the hospital. Just before the boys got home, Bruce had called me back on my mobile and left a message to let me know they had Dad conscious and on a drip, so he was okay for now. Not too long after, about 11.30am, the boys got home and I checked that I had 5 missed calls and 2 text messages, but the boy had spoken to Bruce and was told everything was alright.

Poor Bruce was beside himself, I was really worried about him when I spoke to him. He was really taken aback that this happened while he was there. I had tried to explain to him over the phone that it was really bad and that this might happen, but he freaked when Dad “keeled over and didn’t move”. I did explain the blockages to him and that they may shed, causing stroke, but he wasn’t really expecting it to happen right before his eyes.

I decided, as soon as I found out about Dad when the boys called to tell me Bruce rang, that I was going out to see him today, not wait until tomorrow, as was the original plan. Bruce told me that he was going today, so I thought I would stretch the visiting out and go Sunday, but I was really concerned as to how Dad might be. When I got there, I was really shocked. He can’t communicate, he just looks at you. I was glad to see my brother there when I walked in, his wife and Bruce had gone looking for the kiosk. Dad was just sitting on the side of his bed, his feet on the floor and kind of leaning sideways against the back of the bed with the pillows on it – it had been wound up. He was just vacant. Every now and again he would try to smile at me, but it was a real struggle for him. I tried to get him to turn around and rest back on the bed, maybe get some sleep but I couldn’t seem to get through to him. I even tried to move his legs for him, but being the big bugger that he is, I had no chance.

He spent the entire two hours that I was there sitting like that on the edge of the bed. He had his clothes on over his pyjamas, which I think was going to make his life awkward later on. He is still getting frustrated with himself, apparently trying to get a hanky out of his pocket and only coming out with the lining (which must have felt just like a hanky) and getting really cranky in the process. He wasn’t able to say what he was after, which is really bad. At least his face didn’t seem to be frozen, but he was struggling to show any understanding. As I said before, sometimes he would look at me and smile, but it was hard for him.

I’m really concerned about him, but Allan is going to talk to the vascular surgeon on Monday and get this carotid endarterectomy done as soon as possible. If he’s having strokes like this while he’s in hospital, he needs to be prioritised. Hopefully early in next week, fingers crossed on that one. Dad doesn’t seem to have too much understanding of what is happening to him at the moment, so my brother is making all the decisions that need to be made. I am glad and forever grateful that he has taken charge during this crisis. Hopefully these strokes haven’t done too much permanent damage, and that he will improve once the procedure is done, the sooner the better. I felt awful leaving him there, but I can’t stay all evening, I need to look after my boys and see that they’re fed and loved.

I would love to thank my dear sis Amanda, for all the love and support she is showing through this. She has always been amazing to me, and her love and understanding at this time, while she faces her own problems, has been truly and deeply appreciated. I love you sis, and always will. I thank all of you who have expressed kind thoughts, deepest wishes and prayers for my Dad and my family. All of this is greatly appreciated, and it’s wonderful to see how many of you truly care. I love you all and thank you for being a part of my life.

I don’t plan on going back to the hospital until Tuesday, but if he manages to have surgery on Monday, I may be able to head out there before the traffic gets too bad. I am looking after little man on Monday, and I’m really looking forward to that, as he’s an awesome little dude to spend some time with, and he really enjoys hanging out here. MOTH is taking the boy to the paediatrician on Monday, so I’m really hoping that I don’t need to go to the hospital before Tuesday. Anyhoo, will be thinking as positive as I can, and I know that he is in the best place possible for the time being and is being well cared for, better than anything Allan or I could have done for him.

Thanks for showing an interest and taking the time to read this.

What’s been happening this week…

Well, Dad went into hospital on Tuesday morning… he wasn’t able to put two words together and wasn’t making any sense. He was wandering around the freezing cold kitchen without his slippers on and he was shivering. My brother and sister-in-law had the good sense to take him to Nepean Hospital Emergency, where he was seen to.

I visited him on Wednesday, and he really wasn’t making a lot of sense when I was trying to have a conversation with him. He couldn’t name things and would get frustrated trying to find the right words, so I was agreeing with him, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. His lunch arrived, so he wanted to go to the kiosk and get a sandwich for lunch. He said he knew the way, but when we walked out the doors of the hospital, I knew why the lock the ward that he is in! I went to enquiries, then took him to the kiosk, where I got him a nice chicken salad sandwich, which was huge, and took him back to his room. He went “Oh, lunch is here” and sat down to eat the food that came for lunch. I thought “poor man”.

Apparently, the Occupational Therapist did an assessment of him making a cup of tea, which he takes black with one sugar. He made added water to the cup with the bag in it, added two sugars, an artificial sweetener, and some salt. The bag fell of fthe string while he was jiggling, but he kept jiggling, he didn’t notice.

He had a carotid ultrasound, which showed a complete blockage on the right side, and an 80 – 90% blockage on the left. He’s still getting blood flow to the brain, however these blockages are dangerous plaque build up that breaks away, causing everything from micro and mini strokes called TIA’s, to full-blown stroke.

Thankfully today they were able to do the MRI on him, which showed evidence of multiple strokes on both sides of his brain, more on the right than the left. The vascular surgeon said that this was caused by the plaque build-up in his carotid artery flaking off. He is going to call my brother on Monday, as it seems they would like to perform a Carotid Endarterectomy. That’s just a fancy way of saying that they are going to remove the inner lining of the carotid artery. This will remove the plaque and improve the blood flow. Hopefully this will restore him to his happy old self and that the strokes haven’t done too much permanent damage, and it should prevent further strokes from occurring. They expect that they will operate within the next 9 days, depending on their case load and triage.

Apparently Dad was agitated this evening, ready to leave the place. My brother is going there to sort it all out and smooth him over. Thank goodness my brother has stood up and taken the lead on this. He and his wife have been amazing. They opened their doors and took him in when he had nowhere to go after breaking up with his girlfriend in January. Now this has happened. His now ex said that he had been having problems, but she never took him to be examined while he was having these problems, so maybe this could have been resolved a while ago. Anyway, he’s in hospital now and that’s what matters. We should have this fixed, and then get on with the job of getting him healthy. He is severely overweight and this is certainly not helping him at all. The only reason his sugar has been good (8.8 when I was there on Wednesday) is because he is eating hospital food, and not getting into his Tim Tams and lollies and lord knows what else!. He can’t get his treats in there, and they won’t let him have them if we do bring them.

His half-brother is visiting him tomorrow, and I believe his sister and father will be visiting him over the weekend too. I intend going on Sunday, around lunch time, so I know that he gets his lunch and get him to eat it. I’m really disappointed that this has happened to Dad. He was told 19 years ago when he had 5 bypasses on his heart that if he didn’t change his ways, this was going to happen to his carotid arteries in 20 years time. Well, here we are…. as my brother pointed out, he hasn’t given a shit since mum died (04/07/96). He’s been depressed and angry all these years, and has eaten his emotions. I’ve asked him a few times to do some counselling, but it was never going to happen. I feel helpless, but I have seen this coming with him. There is nothing I can do other than offer him my love and support, and be there as often as I can. I just hope the damage isn’t permanent.

I’ve had lots of love and support from a couple of close friends, and I am honoured to have them in my life. I thank them for their warm embraces, and their words of love and encouragement get me through some of the darker times. I love you to bits, and I thank you so much for being part of my life.

I will update this as I know more

Whether the weather we’re whethering…..

I’m loving the fact that winter is here. I love wearing lots of layers to keep warm, I love wearing ugh boots, coat and scarf. I find this so much better than summer as you can get warm in winter, but you can’t always cool down enough in summer. Nothing like snuggling with your honey on a cold winter night…. can’t really enjoy that on a hot summer night!

I love having a hot Te Chai to warm my tummy and settle me down for a good, long nights’ sleep in winter. I also love having a bowl of hot oats for breakfast, they’re just like a big, warm hug on the inside. The flannelette sheets are on the bed and the electric blanket is taking the chill off the sheets, what more could a girl want……

There is only one thing that I don’t like, and that is having to strip for a shower. Actually, the stripping and showering are okay, it’s when it comes to turning the water off that I have a problem – bbbbrrrrrrrr! And when you have to wash your hair – aarrrgggghhhhh. Will solve that problem soon when I get a heat light for the bathroom. We need to get an exhaust fan anyway, so why not a 3-in-1? I’ve got just the person in mind to install it for us, and it would make those morning showers so much more bearable.

I feel sorry for Jordy too. I know she’s a dog and has her own fur coat, but it is short hair and she’s an outside dog. I keep saying she needs a coat and the MOTH says she doesn’t, she has her own. I just entered a competition to win her one so fingers crossed. And if she wins, lets hope she doesn’t pull this one off like she did the last one. That only lasted one night, but she was still only very young when she did it. At least she has a few blankets in her kennel, and when I checked on her not long ago, she was snuggled up with them.

As the song says, “I love a rainy night…”

WTF is going on in education?

According to the Proud Schools Consultation report, “Heterosexism is the practice of positioning heterosexuality as the norm for human relationships”. “It involves ignoring, making invisible or descriminationg against non-heterosexual people, their relationships and their interests. Heterosexism feeds homophobia.” They need to incorporate this type of pc bullshit into the syllabus now? And why label heterosexual as the “norm”. Shouldn’t normal be relative to the person being referred to? Everyone has a different state of “normal” and isn’t it about time we moved past using the word normal as a reference point when discussing other human beings.

The way I read this, they are implying that if you are heterosexual, then you are heterosexist and therefore you are homophobic. Are they for real. And using the expression “That’s so gay!” will now be considered a heterosexual slur. When I hear teenagers use the expression, I really don’t think that they are really trying to demean homosexuals at all. They are using the word “gay” instead of saying “lame” or “bad”. “Gay” used to mean joyous and lively, merry, happy, light-hearted. It also referred to bright, brilliant, as in gay colours. It is only just now that I typed “gay” into the online dictionary and point one was homosexual. That’s not what I went to school with.

But lots of words change…. just the other day they changed the definition of misogyny to mean a hatred of women. Why can’t we use long established words correctly and call things by their right name. Throwing the word misogyny around lately in politics has been ridiculous. It’s just whinging and bitching and not getting on with what needs to be done. Its to be sensational and grab a headline. We all know that sexism is alive and well in the workplace, but that doesn’t make every man in high office a misogynist. I’m sure they didn’t get to where they are by pissing off 50% of the population!

What do I think…. Anonymous postings

I truly believe that if you are going to have a massive spray or give someone a serve, then at least have the courage to do so with your name attached. People who are hiding behind anonymity online  are being absolute tools, or “trolls” as they say now. You couldn’t do this years ago, and now, for some reason, some people have decided to remove all filtering and really let fly. Okay, some of it is stuff that needs to be said, but you used to have to “say” it, not just post it online for all to see. But now it is getting really nasty…

Current events show that although we no longer physically place people in the stocks and throw rotten fruit and veg at them, we certainly do this in a mental sense. I think the anonymity gives more to the herd mentality as well, such as the bigger the group, the worse the attack. I’m really disgusted by what I heard going on on Twitter today regarding Charlotte Dawson and the public attack of her online. She is certainly not my favourite person, and I find her quite irritating, I feel absolutely no need to attack her, and I don’t understand peoples’ need to get so personal.

At the end of the day, if you are going to say something online, at least have the decency to put your identity to it. And if you wouldn’t say it out loud in public, don’t put it online. Would you really go up to that person on the street and scream obscenities in their face? I think not…

Welcome to my week…

This is the week where I have the “don’t touch me”‘s; in other words, don’t speak to me, don’t look at me and preferable don’t breathe around me. It used to be called PMS, however as I no longer suffer the M part, I just call this week the don’t touch me week. The boys are already laying low and staying out of my way. I’ve always told them when this is going on, that way they never ask “have you got your periods?”, possibly the worst question you could ever ask a woman. They know better, I can get the shits for having the shits’ sake, I don’t need to bleed to get pissed off at the world! I have Jay trained well for future girlfriends or a wife. He has learnt the lesson of “don’t poke the bear with a stick” very well. Has this been too much information so far?

The weekend has been lovely, catching up with good friends and having good times. I also discovered that Gentleman Jack is a good “sleepy juice”. I nodded off in my chair so easily last night after having a double in the early afternoon. I was looking for nap time after that, and I got it in my recliner. Jay was good, cooking for himself and the MOTH; I didn’t want dinner as I think I ate for a week at lunch. MOTH hasn’t been well, but he still came out yesterday, but we did need to cut the visit short as his back was giving him too much grief. And the cold August winds certainly haven’t helped…

With the MOTH out of action, I’ve actually had a busy Sunday morning, taking care of everything by myself. All the bits he does for me on Sunday I don’t realise until he can’t do them! They always say you need to miss something before you appreciate it, this is true! Although I’ve always appreciated the MOTH for everything he does around here, it’s just I can forget how much it is until I have to do it.

I had a bit of a “go” at MP earlier in the week, I think she really needed a wake up call. But I don’t think I made a difference at all. I asked her if she had her daughter as a guarantee for when she’s old and senile, she has her daughter to look after her. She was horrified at the suggestion, but I then asked her, “why are you modelling this behaviour?” (MP lives with parents and is bi-polar mothers’ carer) She again was horrified as the realisation started sinking in what she was doing to her daughter. I also put to her that she always says it was terrible to grow up how she did, but then leaves her daughter with her mother while she goes out. This is even though her mother has threatened self-harm openly in front of the 10-year-old child. I thought I was making progress, but then she was out Friday afternoon, without her daughter, who didn’t go to school as she couldn’t get up. WTF is that shit????? I’ve only got to say how disgusted I am and walk away. I can’t watch a parent destroy a child due to their own stupidity! I feel sorry for the kid, but I’ve done what I can, it’s up to MP to change, and I don’t see that happening any time soon…

Back to Earth…

with a resounding “thud”. I got up yesterday in time to see the boy off, (after MOTH brought me a cup of tea in bed), grabbed the laptop and ereader, and headed back to bed. I wasn’t going anywhere for anyone yesterday morning, not even Jordy! And I enjoyed every minute of it too. I did take her for a walk at lunch time when it was nice and warm, before the cold wind picked up. By then, I’d had my shower and gone back to bed for the best nanna nap I’ve had in quite a while. I actually got to sleep, which I haven’t been able to do lately, no matter how tired I have felt. Jay cooked dinner for us last night, and that just topped off my lazy day so beautifully.

Finally starting to get what I feel is a good nights’ sleep now. I wake up feeling refreshed instead of as tired as when I went to sleep. It was lovely that MOTH brought me a cuppa again this morning in bed, I’m feeling quite spoiled. He always makes me one when I get up, but the last two days in bed have been wonderful. I haven’t come too far down this time, I seem to be settling nicely at just above “normal”, so I’m getting up and carrying on as always, but with a little less speed to everything.