The worst part of having passed on Bi Polar

I have to say that  it is both of us being hypomanic at the same time. Now, this isn’t quite manic, but it’s definitely not “normal” (not that there really is a “normal” anyway!). And I know that as hard as it is for both of us, it must be particularly bad for the MOTH at the moment, not being able to speak to either one of us. At least I can tell him I have the “don’t talk to me’s”, I don’t know that Jay realises he’s riding the wave while he’s on it. I know the MOTH “gets” it, but I don’t know that he understands what Jay has going through his head when he is like this. The more the MOTH speaks, the more our hackles go up, and it is the same with anyone in “authority”. I can just imagine what he puts his teachers through when he’s like this, I remember what I was like!

It’s funny, in a mortifying way, how much he’s like me. He struggles similarly with his mental to-ing and fro-ing, but he has a good environment and boundaries within which to explore to confines of his “illness”. He certainly doesn’t see it as a setback or an illness himself, he just sees himself as dealing with the world in a much different way as most other people. He’s okay with the fact that a lot of people don’t get him all the time, but he is also so smart that he can show everyone what he is talking about. He’s much more in charge of his day to day being than I ever was, but I also didn’t realise what was happening to me. As I explained to MOTH recently, I was deeply into my second episode of Clinical Depression by the time I was Jay’s age, and had no true diagnosis until I was 28 and had a complete “psychotic break” – more on that another time…

Anyhoo, I want to keep this reasonably short tonight, as I am tired from the running around and mental gymnastics of the past couple of weeks and I really need to get a good rest. Lets just say it can suck to be us, but we really love each other, all three of us, like no other. We were meant to be together as a family and we all compliment each other so well. I don’t know that life would be anywhere near as satisfying if it wasn’t with the challenges that we have to face. I guess I just want to say how much I love my men just the way they are, and I am so grateful to the pair of them for working together and with me to keep our family as happy as possible.

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